All posts by Dorcy Pruter

Celebrating Your Partner’s Success With Love and Gratitude

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Many couples want help dealing with hardships in life like unemployment, health issues, or death of a family member. What may not be so obvious is that often times, success can also come with challenges, especially if one partner seems more accomplished or luckier than the other.

A recent study found that men’s self-esteem dropped when they were told that their girlfriends aced an IQ test. The researchers attributed the results to the competitive of men and fears that their partner might want a more attractive mates and start looking for that new mate. Although only men were studied, many people believed that the results would also apply to women.

Learning how can you avoid such jealousy and insecurity will help you operate as equal partners and cheer each other on?  Here are a few for dealing with your partner’s success.

How to Handle Your Partner’s Success

1. Identify and acknowledge what you are feeling. Maybe you feel a little guilty about having mixed emotions about your partner’s triumphs. Accepting your reactions and emotions for what they are will help you to make constructive changes.

2. Resist comparisons. You may be causing your own anxiety by stressing over how you stack up. Instead of comparing yourself to your partner, devote yourself to developing your own potential.

3. Enjoy how you are different. You and your partner probably excel in separate areas. That comes in handy when you need to negotiate different aspects of your life like buying a car and plan a wedding.

4. Ask for what you need. Let your partner know what you like about your relationship and what you want to do differently. Keep the lines of communication open.

5. Be inclusive. Keep your partner at the center of your life. Suggest ways they can participate in your activities and help them feel comfortable with your colleagues. Show an equal amount of enthusiasm for their projects and priorities.

6. Widen your circle. At the same time, it’s okay to have your own network where you can indulge another side of yourself. Make time for your women’s club or a regular men’s night out.

7. Share responsibility. Whatever the discrepancies in your income or media coverage, ensure you both matter when it comes to being a couple. Understand your finances, and appreciate each other’s contribution.

8. Pursue your own goals. Hold onto your dreams. Find fulfillment in raising a family, doing meaningful work, or playing the tuba.

How to Encourage Your Partner’s Success

1. SHOW APPRECIATION. Appreciation mean more coming from the love of your life than from any fan magazine or professional association. Speak positively to each other. Be specific when showing appreciation.

2. Actively Listen. Take an active interest in what your partner is doing. Give them your full attention when they talk about what they did today. When they speak respond with what you heard them say.

3. Recognize effort. There may be a lot of setbacks and learning experiences before your partner succeeds. Be proud of them for trying. Remind them that you’re on their side when they’re struggling.

4. Give a Helping Hand. Pitch in when your partner has a tight deadline or heavy workload. Take over some extra household chores and create an environment that will help them shine, whether it means preparing their lunch or taking the children outside to play.

5. Focus on giving. Work at being generous and grateful to each other. The more you build your partner up, the more love and happiness you’ll both receive. For some reason people get bogged down int he everyday life and create competition and if you focus on appreciating your partner, don’t be surprised when they mirror this back to you.

6. Create the “Us” container. The “us” container is a place of consciousness that belongs to you and your partner. Use it to hold the space for nurturing, love and where you give and receive appreciation and the place where you consciously resolve conflict.

7. Resolve conflict with consciousness. If you are in conflict with your partner, it is important to solve the conflict with consciousness, meaning doing so without blame and shame. Be sure to bring conflict into the “us” container and allow for one person to speak at a time using conscious communication.

Remember that success reflects well on both of you. When you are in a relationship view it as a separate prized possession that you own together. If you nurture it and feed it with consciousness you will watch it grow into a beautiful bond that supports both of you. While You’re not responsible for your partner’s self-esteem or performance, you can have a huge impact on how they feel and how far they go. Self-esteem is created by how we are treated by others especially those whom we are the closest. Pull together and share the rewards of your hard work and special talents. Create the “Us” container and use it to hold the space for nurturing, love and where you give and receive appreciation and the place where you consciously resolve conflict.

Parents Who Overshare on Social Media and What Your Kids Want You to Know

A recent study interviewed kids and wanted to know what they thought about their parent’s social media activity and rules about technology. One major concern was “sharenting.” That’s when parents talk too much about their kids on Facebook and other sites.

Researchers at the Universities of Michigan and Washington found that twice as many children as parents expressed concerns about family members oversharing personal information about them on social media without asking for their permission. They also gave kids a chance to describe what technology rules they would set for their families.

Here is a little insight about what your kids are thinking. Take a look at this survey and what kids had to say, along with some ideas on social media use for parents.

Tips for Overcoming Parental Oversharing

Today’s kids understand the importance of controlling their online image. Pictures and stories that seem cute now could have unwanted consequences in years ahead if they cause bullying at school or make a potential employer think twice about scheduling an interview.

1. Ask first. Of Course your kids are a big part of your life, however they own their own life experiences. Be sure to get their permission before posting anything about them. Let them make the final decision once they’re old enough to understand the situation, which is usually around age 9. Trust me, you will want the same respect when it comes to what they post of you. Make it a household social media rule.

2. Think Before You Post. Posting good grades and sports victories is more popular than mentioning eating disorders and messy bedrooms. Handle the sensitive subjects in private.

3. Consider your audience. Facebook privacy settings may not prevent leaks. Alternative sites like FamilyLeaf and WhatsApp groups make family communications more secure.

4. Examine your motives. Be honest about why you’re posting. Is it about you as a parent or how you feel about your kid’s accomplishments Are you proud of your kids or fishing for compliments for yourself?

5. Seek advice. A lot of parents were attracted to the internet and social media  because they’re looking for information and encouragement from their peers. Just keep your kid’s privacy in mind while you’re being social.

6. Resist the constant, “my kid is the “Best” posting.” Do you sometimes feel inferior to parents who brag about their children’s accomplishments? Or those parents who are struggling to find room for their kid’s academic and sports trophies? Being humble, gracious and kind to yourself and your children A little humility can help everyone feel more comfortable.

More Technology Tips for Parents

In addition to cutting back on sharenting, kids had some other great tips they wanted their parents to follow.

1. Create quiet zones. Turn off your devices at the dinner table and a couple of hours before bedtime. Spend time talking to each other in the same room or sit together while you read or work on hobbies. we do this in our family and our kids love the family dinner around the table.

2. Drive safely. My kids will demand that the phones are all put away when we are driving. Children will copy your habits. Texting while driving is a major distraction. Even hands-free devices interfere with your concentration. California just past the law where you can’t even have your phone in your hand.

3. Create balance. Technology is one of the many things crowding out other priorities in in our lives. Putting sensible limits on browsing and streaming frees up time for quality time with your family, visiting the gym, taking long walks together, planning fun family outings or playing board games.

4. Make your rules easy to follow. There may be sites you want to ban completely, at least until your kids reach an appropriate age. Discuss your reasoning so kids can start learning to make sound decisions for themselves. Discuss and set rules in a family meeting so everyone is on board.

5. Be present. I love this tip. Kids are asking us to connect and be present. Focus on enjoying your children and then time you have with them rather than recording it. Applauding your child at the school play is more important than experimenting with camera angles. Seriously be in the moment and put down the device.

The Internet has made it easier to embarrass your kids now that you’re no longer limited to photo albums and baby books. Be a parent who uses social media responsibly. Ask your kid’s permission before posting about them, and think about the long term impact of your pictures and comments. Create this as a family rule of treating each other with respect and consciously connect with your kids.

Okay, how you measure up? If you have other tips please share in the comments below. Lets help each other out.

Create Habits That Contribute to Happiness

Happy people aren’t all the same, but they have some things in common. These commonalities provide a wonderful map to creating happiness in your own life. There are similar habits that happy people possess. If you incorporate these habits into your routine you can also enjoy a happier life i. Happiness doesn’t happen to you. It’s something that you do.

Adding the right mix of habits to your day can enhance your level of happiness:

1. Resiliency. Happy people are resilient. They can endure any hardship and take the everyday ups and downs in stride. They are slow to give up. This characteristic makes it easier to maintain a positive attitude and more challenging to feel depressed or lack hope.

2. Surround yourself with happy people. If you hang around others that have a positive attitude you will find it easy to laugh and smile. Emotions are contagious, let happiness be the emotions you catch from others. Who are the happy people in your life? Schedule time to be around those people

3.Positive Mind, Positive attitude. Every situation has both negative and positive aspects. Those that get upset easily focus on the negative. Those people that focus on the positive are happier people. Count your blessings each day. Focus on the positive. Find the positive in every situation. If you find yourself focusing on the negative, take a moment and switch the thought to the positive.

* Your job might stink, but at least you have a paycheck and can pay your bills.
* Your friends did not invite you to an event, at least you have friends and the ability to communicate.

4. Give.  Make life better or easier for someone else. Give your time to a worthy cause. You’ll be amazed how much better you feel. Whenever I give to someone else it puts my life back into perspective. Give and give some more. Give the gift of a smile to a stranger even if this is all you have to give in the moment. Smile and they may just smile back. 🙂

5. Exercise. One of the most valuable habits to build is exercise, while it can be challenging to build, it can be one of the most rewarding. You physically feel good after exercising, if you don’t over do it. You also enjoy the benefit of knowing that you did something that supports your health and fitness. Find time in your schedule to exercise each day. When you put it on your schedule and make it part of your routine, it is much more likely that you will get it done.

6. Have goals and dreams. Aim high and put small tasks on your schedule to accomplish the goal. It’s hard to be happy if you don’t have something to look forward to. What do you most want to have and experience? Make a list and think about it each day, create action items and get to work. I started the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute with the Vision to END Parental Alienation from the human consciousness. Who knew over ten years ago we would be where we are today, standing at the tipping point into the new family paradigm. A Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG), when launched into the Universe ignites the light in others to bring it into reality.

7. Avoid Third Partying. If you’re talking about others and not including them in the conversation this is called, Gossip or what I like to call “third partying.” It may seem fun and interesting, but there’s a price to pay. Sooner or later, you’ll anger the person you’re gossiping about starts doing the same to you or cuts you out of their life when they find out you have been talking about them. You may feel the need to lie to get yourself out of trouble with that person. When you speak negatively about others, you’re more likely to worry that others are speaking poorly about you, too. We are all guilty of doing this. If you find yourself getting caught up in the third party conversation, catch yourself and take the opportunity to clean it up in the present moment.

* Third partying accomplishes nothing and creates unnecessary drama in your life.

8. Have an active social life. Being active in positive relationships are a key component of happiness. Some people require a more active social life than others, but everyone needs some social contact. Determine how much of a social life you require and make it happen. Schedule time to spend with those that are important to you. Again, if something is important it should go on your schedule first.

9. Avoid having too much stuff. The person with the most stuff is far from the happiest person I know. Too many possessions and indulgences subtract from your happiness. These things can create clutter, stress, distraction, and guilt. Enjoy yourself, but be reasonable if happiness is the goal. I like to clean out extra stuff every year. I like the habit of cleaning things out and donating possessions to causes and people in need. I love the habit of turning my hangers in my closet backward and if I don’t wear something be the end of the seasons I get rid of it and there are only a few things that are exceptions and I stick to the plan. It feels great to declutter and to give.

10. Acceptance. I love the word and action acceptance. You don’t have control over everything. There are things that you must accept. The only other alternative is misery. Accept those things that you can do nothing about. Freedom lies in your ability to accept what is and let go of the desire to be in control of everything. I love the mantra, “I love and accept myself exactly as I am here and now.”  Ahh acceptance starts with you ad then rolls out into the world with others. FREEDOM!!!!

You don’t need a million dollars or the facial features of a model to be happy. To increase the levels of happiness you experience each day by changing some of your habits. A few new habits can be enough to make you feel happier every day and brighten your outlook on life. Take a moment and decide which new habits you are going to implement, share in the comments below. Ask others to hold you accountable for implementing these new happiness habits.

Cheers to more happiness in your life.